Hello, again! You may or may not be surprised to find out that I went to college to study video game design. However, what you may not know is that I currently don't make video games. Instead, I design board games with my co-designer, Jacob. We strive to make board games that are approachable and simple to learn, while bringing replay-ability and complexity to the table for those who wish to master one of our games. It's not an easy process. We spend a lot of time iterating on ideas and testing new mechanics amongst friends and family. They get to see the games when they're at their scrappiest: hand drawn descriptions, found items as tokens and pawns, rules scribbled on notebook paper. I'm never embarrassed by these scrappy and wonderful prototypes. They remind me of the games I used to design as a kid: earnest and exciting in the regard that a new idea is taking shape. However, as Jacob and I prepared to take our games to our first public playtesting event this past October, I couldn't help but feel protective and worried about what others might think of our prototypes.

Last month, we had the opportunity to attend the first ever Protospiel in Texas! It was hosted by the wonderful ATX Game Designers in Austin. We brought two titles to the event. One was a game that Jacob has spearheaded development on: it's about treasure hunting. The second was a ghost hunting game we've been iterating on for a while. The specific design of the ghost game we took to Protospiel was an overhaul I took charge of, and mostly developed on my own. I omit details here as we're still developing these games!

I'll be the first to admit that I was nervous about attending Protospiel as Game Designers instead of Playtesters this year. Despite some playtesting for Brotherwise Games, Jacob and I are pretty fresh in the board game design community. I wanted to hold off, scope out the event this year, and return as Game Designers when I felt ready. But, Jacob was ready to take the dive, and I didn't want to hold us back. I was nervous. I felt that my game was very rough and unpolished. I haven't designed a board game somewhat by myself in years. I was doubly nervous when I walked into the event holding my shoe box full of handmade cards, when other designers had professionally printed proofs of their titles. There was this idea in my mind that if my game wasn't as close to perfection as it could be, I shouldn't be demoing it, and I shouldn't be calling myself a game designer. This thinking was skewed towards the negative. The open invite to the event had encouraged designers with games at pretty much any level of the prototyping process to attend and receive feedback from willing playtesters. My internal logic is sometimes disrupted this way— I feel that I have to be a perfect artist or designer in order for my work to have value. Spoilers: it's never true. 

What is true is that, of course, my game was unpolished: it was a fresh prototype! And playtesting is exactly what it needed! The group that playtested our ghost hunting game at the event was enthusiastic, kind, and constructive in their criticisms. I was nervous and I didn't have all the words to describe what my game was. I was embarrassed and flushed. The game didn't even have a name until the night before playtesting. I was not perfect, but I survived. 

There are times to be polished and professional as a creative. Pitch meetings for instance, or interviews, or meetings where you're delivering final products. However, there are also times when you just have to be brave. Prepare, but do things messy. Share your work while you're still afraid. And even when you're polished and professional, there's no obligation to be perfect. Perfection doesn't exist, in the sense that perfection in art and design is subjective. Designers, and artists, and creatives are almost always striving towards this idea that you can make something perfect with enough tweaks and iterations. But our work is asymptotic to perfection. I've decided that's okay. We can still try.

Try it afraid. Try it messy. Just don't stop because you're scared. 

Love,

--

Alesandra 


What I'm Reading: There Will Come A Darkness, Katy Rose Pool ; Ghost Wall, Sarah Moss

What I'm Watching: Doctor Who


Irons in the fire:

- Prepping for San Anto Zine Fest (Paper samples for prints arrived today!)

- Designing for Spellbound Publishing, LLC

- Crocheting the ever-endless back panel of a sweater

- Writing for NaNoWriMo